Your Thoughts and Your Stress

"The components of anxiety, stress, fear and anger do not exist independently of you in the world, even though we talk about them as if they do."- Wayne Dyer

Are you creating stress in your life?

Most of us think of stress as being something that exists in the world around us. We talk about the anxieties of commuting, or the difficulties of our finances, for instance, as if stress comes with the highway or the bank account itself. As if we get in the car and pull out of the driveway, and there is stress waiting for us.

We talk about how the driver behind us "made us mad," or about how the prospect of changing jobs "scares us," or about how the work schedule "stresses us out."

But the truth is that the other driver has no magical power to evoke our anger. Nor does the possible job change or the work schedule. In and of themselves they have no power to affect us at all.

So where is our emotion coming from? Most often from the way that we are thinking. Most of us have a little mental dialogue going on with ourselves as soon as we wake up in the morning. This inner dialogue is often so habitual that we don't even notice it. Something like the music in the supermarket or the elevator that you don't even notice.

Just as the overhead music affects us emotionally, so does the inner dialogue, only to a much greater extent! Those comments that you make to yourself about the other driver or the amount in your bank account evoke emotions of fear, anger or sadness. Most often, what we are thinking creates the emotions that we experience.

And if we persist in our thought patterns, we create a mood state that can stay with us all day.

Irrational Beliefs

Albert Ellis was the father of Rational Emotive Therapy, and he taught that we cause most of our own misery by the things we think, by our beliefs and what we tell ourselves. He identified 11 "irrational ideas which cause disturbance." They are:

The idea that it is a dire necessity for an adult human being to be loved or approved of by virtually every significant other person in his community.
The idea that one should be thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving in all possible respects if one is to consider oneself worthwhile.
The idea that some people are bad, wicked or villainous and that they should be severely blamed and punished for their villainy
The idea that it is awful and catastrophic when things are not the way one would very much like them to be.
The idea that human unhappiness is externally caused and that people have little or no ability to control their sorrows and disturbances.
The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome, one should be terribly concerned about it and should keep dwelling on the possibility of it occurring.
The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face certain life difficulties and self-responsibilities
The idea that one should be dependent on others and needs someone stronger than oneself on whom to rely.
The idea that one's past history is an all important determiner of one's present behavior and that because something once strongly affected one's life, it should indefinitely have a similar effect.
The idea that one should become quite upset over other people's problems and disturbances.
The idea that there is invariably a right, precise and perfect solution to human problems and that it is catastrophic if this perfect solution is not found.

* From Reason and Psychotherapy by Albert Ellis

Do you recognize any of these beliefs in yourself? Can you see how they evoke fear, anger, helplessness? Can you see how they cause stress?

How to change your mind

Listen to yourself! If you find that you are in an unpleasant mood, or experiencing unpleasant emotions, ask yourself "What is going on?" "How am I causing this emotion or mood?" Instead of blaming whoever or whatever is going on around you, find a quiet place and turn your focus inward. Observe carefully to hear what you are telling yourself.

When you tune into your self talk and hear you being hard on yourself, interrupt it. Challenge that thought! Is it really true? Or are you repeating something that you were told by someone else? Are you expressing an irrational belief? What can you say to yourself that would be supportive, rational or calming?

Identify the irrational beliefs that you hold from the list above. Write them in your journal and then rewrite them to a more rational approach and then practice using them. For instance, "When things are not the way I would like them to be, I find ways to cope and discover new solutions."

Learn to identify the emotion you are experiencing and practice releasing it. Don't analyze it. Breathe deeply, feel it fully if you can, and then let it go.

When you are going through a difficult period, take time out every day to be quiet and to meditate Simply breathing, relaxing and following your breath with your attention will quiet the chatter of the mind. Doing this for 15 or 20 minutes a day will help you get in touch with a deeper, more grounded part of yourself. It is important to remember that there is more to your life than what you are telling yourself about it.

If you find that your patterns of irrational thought and emotional upset are very entrenched, then by all means find a counselor who understands and uses cognitive or solution based therapy. There is no virtue in suffering alone, and expert help is a great investment in attaining a better life.

"The greatest pollution problem we face today is negativity. Eliminate thenegative attitude and believe you can do anything. Replace 'if I can, I hope, maybe,' with 'I can, I will, I must.' "- Mary Kay Ash